Death by a thousand cuts is an ancient form of torture and the title of a Taylor Swift song.
Death by a thousand cuts is all too common in the demise of dreams, hopes, and a marriage.
I have experienced a thousand cuts, thousands of times.
Make Moments That Last!!! Mural, NYC
When word of my divorce began to get out. Get out is not quite the right term. Unlike the world we live in now, my husband and I did not consider a social media post with a calm and loving statement about how we had parted ways. Our friends and family heard it through the grapevine, so to speak.
One day while still living at our shared home, the mother-in-law of a good friend stopped by to check on me. She asked how I was doing. There was not a simple answer to that question. Then she asked what had happened. There was not a simple answer to that question, either. The end of our marriage was a death by a thousand cuts. The disagreements left unsaid or unresolved. The small slights, often unintentional, evolved into deep wounds. Over the years, the hurt and distance grew like the black mold we test for in our homes, something insidious and often hidden.
My guest accepted a simple shrug of the shoulders to indicate how I was feeling. She was less satisfied with my vague answer to her second question. What happened? She wanted something simple and dramatic-an affair, addition, or worse. The reality could never really be explained to an outsider.
Similar to the slow death of a relationship, cherished dreams can be squashed little by little with negative self-talk. Or the well-meaning comments posed by a casual acquaintance when I excitedly shared a nascent idea. Their questions chipped away at my resolve to further explore my idea. What about the multiple times when I made a mountain out of a mole hill, feeling like the small bumps in the road to discovery were insurmountable?
Yes, it pains me to recognize this pattern. I don’t think I am alone
And what if the opposite can be true, a dream, an idea can be built one little, tiny step at a time? The opposite is true. It is already happening and because it is so subtle, I missed it. Or even worse, I dismissed it. How do I read a book? One page at a time. How do I try a new recipe? One step at a time. How do I take a walk in my neighborhood? One block at a time.
You get the picture. Everyday we are taking action in incremental ways that add up to something. You are going to say that pursuing a dream or figuring out how to bring a new idea from concept to completion is different.
It isn’t. I promise.
Any difference is in our heads. Try it out. Pick an idea. Identify one tiny thing you could do today in pursuit of your idea. Do it. Repeat.
