Saying ‘No’ is the key to success. Saying ‘No’ is true kindness. Saying ‘No’ is the  time management tool everyone should use.

I believe all of these statements to be correct as much as I believe all these statements to be simplistic and ignorant to the ways most of us live and move through our days.

Would it have made more sense to say “No’ when I was asked to deliver an out-of-state training of someone else’s material? Absolutely. However, the reality was that I wanted to be seen as an equal by the woman asking me to deliver the training. I longed to do something more ‘corporate’. I wanted to be a serious, business person.

So, I said yes and when she exhibited some hesitation, I emphatically assured her that I was the right pick. It was a disaster. A complete and utter failure. 

I can still feel the pinpricks of shame when I think about the training. And it was one of my most informative learning experiences. Trying to connect with my audience, to teach them something they had no interest in and more importantly, an entire day of events they had no desire to participate in stuck with me. I could not wait to get home, pretend it didn’t happen, hide. Once I did all of those things, I wanted to get better. I wanted to learn from this experience and I have.

One day, I decided to say ‘No’ to the convention of coloring my hair. I thought about all the extra hours I could regain. I questioned whether I was coloring my hair for myself or for others. I went gray for a while. I enjoyed it. My hair has never been a big deal for me. As a gray-haired person, I received more comments about my hair than ever. A young woman at J.Crew told me that she couldn’t wait until her hair was like mine. Countless other women who colored their hair congratulated me on my bravery. My hair was having a moment.

All the while, in the back of my mind what I really wanted was to go Gwen Stefani platinum blond. The day I opened the Wall Street Journal to a full front page article about how popular gray hair was, I was out. I said no more gray. I don’t have Gwen Stefani’s hair and I can live with that. I am not sure if this is another example of a ‘no’ or a ‘yes’. Maybe sometimes they can be the same thing.

I am staying ‘No’ to strict doctrines. I am saying “Yes’ to things that catch my attention. Most importantly, I will allow myself to make mistakes, try to do better, and change my mind.