I am curious what other people do when you think you want a change. A different outcome. You want to ‘get started’ but don’t know where to start. I feel like I have been in that space for about a year now. It has been a year since I finished the master’s program I decided to do because I wanted a new direction and felt like a degree at this point might be handy. It was expensive. I learned some things. I learned a few things about myself, like I don’t do well going to class by zoom. 

I gave myself permission to not take on new projects other than the writing project I had taken before I decided that concentrating solely on school would be a good idea. So, permission granted.

I gave myself permission to take some time after completing my degree to digest the experience, to integrate what I learned. I have digested, integrated, marinated, and any other synonyms for letting information and experience sink in. I don’t know if it really did anything for me. Maybe the class I needed to complete my degree was ‘the how to digest a recent degree’. It wasn’t offered the semester I had a free chunk of time apparently. I could also see that in my almost, newly minted graduate degree status, I would have overlooked such a seemingly simple course. Once again, hubris is my downfall.

So here I am-Ready to get started! Just to be clear and in defense of myself, I have kept busy. I took my mom on a trip. I made an overdue pilgrimage to visit my dad and attempt to salvage our relationship. I hosted friends over; made them my guinea pigs for the recipes I wanted to try out. I made myself available to my adulting children. I became overly invested in my husband’s new health regiment. I said I was busy. Of course, I picked all socially acceptable ways to procrastinate and avoid doing my real work.

Now months into my integration and procrastination, I am writing. I have wanted to be a writer for a long time. There have been moments when I was regularly writing a blog for my coaching website. However, the tone often felt a bit strained. It was like I wanted to give people a glimpse of how I think about things and I wanted to be inspiring or helping people because I was a coach. 

This time around, I am committing to writing each day. I am willing to give more than a glimpse. I am no longer coaching people and no longer trying to make sure my writing has an obvious point or helpful suggestions. 

In the past, if a client had asked how to get started then I would have asked ‘where do you want to go?’. I don’t know where I want to go. I just need to get started.