In preparation to be a guest on an upcoming podcast, I was asked to share my Personal 10 Commandments. With less than a half an hour before I was set to start the interview, I made my list. This wasn’t a new concept for me. I wasn’t starting entirely from scratch, however I had learned a few things about myself of late, and it was worth my time to revisit my list.
During my business coaching days, one of my recommendations for clients was similar to a Personal 10 Commandments. I asked each client to develop their own rule book. My clients would often look at me with an air of confusion or helplessness. We would then revisit some of the core tenants around my coaching practice. The most important concept was that if you have started your own business then you get to make some choices as to how it is run. It is your business. We are not creating a carbon copy of someone else’s.
The same is true for our lives.
This is your life, and you get to make some choices as to how to live it.
The NYT app has all sorts of clickbait. Since deleting Apple News, I am even more susceptible to the lighter fare teased before me. A recent read was a list of the best films on Netflix. As soon as I could, I watched Laggies, a 2014 film featuring Kiera Knightly, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Sam Rockwell. The romantic comedy centers on Kiera Knightly’s character who is in her 20’s, has an advanced degree, loving parents, and is reluctant to follow her high school friends into their version of adulthood. In tender and messy ways, she sets out to find herself away from her friends who essentially threaten to disown her if she does not marry her high school sweetheart with whom she lives and enjoys a very comfortable and if smothering life.
The tension between what everyone else is doing versus exploring your own path is one of life’s great challenges. I know that I followed the example of others many times rather than ask myself what was in my heart. The attraction to follow others is easy to understand:
There is a sense of safety following in someone else’s footsteps.
We want to belong.
We want shared experiences with people we care about.
These other people look happy and fulfilled. They have got it all figured out, right?
All the more reason to develop your Personal 10 Commandments or Rule Book. Think of this as a guide, a line of inquiry, a scaffold to use as you consider next steps and possible new directions.
Here is my most recent version:
- Know your own rules.
- Follow your own rules. (When you are tempted to break them, this is a good time to pause and ask yourself, why.)
- Pay attention to red flags. (Most people tell you everything you need to know about them in the first 15 minutes. Be observant.)
- Be kind. This includes being kind to yourself.
- Trust yourself.
- Be willing to say No. Or at least, May I think about it?
- If you don’t understand something, ask.
- If you still don’t understand something, ask again. (Try re-phrasing the question.)
- Let go of needing to be ‘Right’.
- Show up. For myself and others.
Do you have a list of rules, a personal set of commandments? I would love to hear about your guide book.
Stay well.
xx
Kristan
