You can’t always get what you want, 

But if you try sometimes

Well, you might find

You get what you need 

             The Rolling Stones, 1969

Growing up there were a couple of instances where you had to pick sides:

USC or UCLA

Yankees or Dodgers

And most importantly, Beatles or Rolling Stones.

For myself, I was UCLA because of a few high school football tailgates at the Rose Bowl parking lot. I was mostly Dodgers because come on, we live in Los Angeles. My one foray into Yankee fandom was when my grandmother was rooting for the Yankees as a former East Coaster. She never cared about sports, however she was a bit of a contrarian. Lastly, I was team Rolling Stones. Maybe because it was one of the few things my parents had in common. More likely it was because they were edgy, rough around all their edges, more rock and roll.

When I am in New York City, my favorite thing to do is walk and listen. I will walk for miles, eavesdropping as I go. Yesterday, I made my way from MoMa to the East Village to the Financial District late in the afternoon to early evening. As usual there were many tourists, and there were many people leaving work. The overwhelming tone of the people who had finished their work day was that of complaint. I heard small groups of co-workers walking together complaining about other co-workers. I listened to a young woman tell whomever was on the other end of her phone call that she was already doing all the tasks required of the next level position without the recognition. I caught a few sentences of a guy telling another guy about the complexity of a deal and how he was the only one who seemed to grasp its nuance.

Oh my. I have lots of thoughts about this barrage of complaints I heard. First, I want to give the benefit of the doubt and name possible contributing factors:

-It was Tuesday. Please read my previous post to remind yourself why I consider Tuesday the most difficult day of the week.

-It is winter, dark and a bit cold. Additional eavesdropping allowed me to hear multiple conversations of people complaining about being bored. Clearly the excitement of the holiday season has passed, and there is a bit of ‘what now?’ sinking into everyone’s psyche.

-It was the end of the day for these people who were all seemingly in-the-office employees. Could have been the regular venting?

Benefit of the doubt aside, so many complaints from so many people got me wondering if any of these individuals knows what they want or need. Would it be possible to examine the seed of the complaint? Has the young woman who was upset because she thinks a promotion is not in reach ever asked about a new role or had a conversation about her future in the company? Does she even want a future there? The young man who feels like he is the smartest guy in the room and maybe he is. However, instead of getting frustrated perhaps this is a moment to help someone else along or at the very least, ask his colleagues what information would be helpful to move the deal along.

 

You can’t always get what you want. Do you actually know what you want? 

 

Take it from a dedicated team Rolling Stones member, before you try, take the time to figure out what you want and what you need.