Walking along a narrow sidewalk in Florence, Italy, I heard my dad from behind me mention his adult confirmation classes at his local Catholic church. It was December 2022, we had just started a two week family trip to Italy for Christmas. Once I had a chance to talk with him on my own, I asked about these classes. Nervously, he shared that he was in the process of converting to Catholicism. I was dumbfounded, upset, and disappointed. This is ironic coming from someone who participated in the adult baptism program at my Episcopal church.

The reason for the conversion was clear. His girlfriend of almost two decades is Catholic. They had gotten engaged in July of 2021. We were together for the first time since I had been at his open heart surgery in early March of 2020. I was with him and his girlfriend when the Covid crisis began to escalate. This family trip to Sedona was a bit of a reunion. It was a happy occasion; I knew my dad planned to propose and had even provided the engagement ring. 

So why was I so shocked and dismayed at this revelation of conversion? Because if you knew my dad then you would be scratching your head too. Here was someone who had not been baptised or raised in a particular faith tradition. My grandparents were nominally Christian. Later, my grandparents identified as Unitarian Universalists and were very active in building a church and its community in their mostly Southern Baptist, small North Carolina town. 

Besides my dad’s religious background or lack thereof, he was a rebel. He is a quiet rebel. He is a man of science, engineering. His belief system is that which he can investigate which usually means taking something apart and putting it back together-vacuum cleaners, cars, radios.

Now he was converting to Catholicism! It became clear that he was converting because Maggie wanted to get married by a priest in the Catholic Church. Besides his conversion, he and Maggie applied for an annulment of each of their previous marriages; marriages that were the result of 6 children between the two of them.. My mom and dad had not married in the Catholic church despite my mom being raised Catholic, a story for another time. 

I took all of this very personally. I kept thinking to myself: What kind of God requires you to publicly declare your previous relationships deficient or lacking in some significant way? So what does this mean for the experiences, families, memories from before? Was my existence to be doubted or scrutinized? What kind of God required my dad, a man who has shown up for Mary and her children repeatedly over the past almost 20 years, to prove his character? Does God really feel like getting married in front of a priest and in a church is the only way for a marriage to be blessed and right? 

I was seething. I was so angry. Each new detail and requirement inflicted another wound and released a new wave of pain. In the midst of this due to an unrelated issue, my dad and I didn’t speak for several months. He ghosted me which maybe didn’t feel so unrelated.

Over the past couple of years we have had many conversations about this. I tell myself that the most important thing is for him to be happy. I tell myself that I can respect his choices. Yet, underneath it all I was still so hurt and confused. Maggie is the kind of person who is all consuming. My dad is the kind of person who likes to be needed and useful. They are a good match. I say that without any sarcasm. Earlier in their relationship, I used to direct my anger at Maggie. How could she be doing-fill in the blank?! The truth is that my dad has a choice and is a willing participant, her partner.

July of 2024 I saw my dad in person for the first time in over a year or more. I stayed at his house, now their home. Maggie was away. The amount of religious iconography throughout the house and yard was a bit overwhelming for me. My dad and I spent 2 days together, talking at length about many things. We talked about his childhood and young adulthood. We talked about his parents, my grandparents. We talked about the Catholic Church as an institution. I think what was most revealing was that at one point my dad shared that he always wonders why he is here and why he has been so fortunate in his life, in essence a ‘Why me?’. I countered with the question ‘why not him?’ and ‘what for’. I reminded him how because of the good fortune he has had in his life that he is and has been able to help many people in the past. Especially, in moments when help was most needed. 

In that moment, my heart softened and I realized that his adoption of Maggie’s faith and religious decorating was just that, meeting her where she needed him. She has two daughters who have been on a long journey with cancer and prophylactic surgeries . As a parent, I can easily imagine how scared she is and leaning into her faith, in a way she may have not in the past. My dad is meeting her there. All of this is an act of love. God is love. None of this is about me.